On March 26, 31-year-old actress Ellen Adarna opened up about her battle with mental illness, which affected her gravely for nearly three years.
"I was in a very dark place for two years, almost three years. I thought I wasn't gonna snap out of it, I really [thought so]. It was really bad," she said in a nine-minute long video posted on Instgram TV. In the video, her demeanor is candid, honest, and straightforward. She flinched slightly while disclosing the severe nature of the panic attacks she periodically suffered from. "At that time, I didn't know what it was, because I'd never had anxiety that serious. At first I thought I was going to die."
She sought help and was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder, and was subsequently prescribed appropriate medication and therapy. She received counseling as well as treatment from two psychiatrists.
In November of 2018, she decided to halt her medication, citing how the antidepressants numbed her emotions, and while they alleviated the sadness, they did not make her happy. "I didn't have feelings. I just felt like a robot," she said. In a bold move, she decided to take a month-long vacation abroad with family, and did not bring her medication. Beautiful travel destinations did not make her feel any better. "I went to nice countries and nice places but still felt the same...I was in a nice country with my family but I was still sad, and still empty."
"Sleeping was my thing. I'd wake up and think about sleeping. I'd eat in bed, and I wouldn't even shower for days. I was just in bed the whole time. If I try to think about that time...it's a blur. I basically slept for almost three years."
Ellen is one of many public figures who have shared their stories relating to mental health. Thankfully, her present is much brighter: "By the way, I am 101% okay now. No more meds and sadness... just love and smiles. I am out of that black hole," she wrote on Instagram. As a follow up to this video, she promised an account detailing her experiences as a participant in a 14-day mental training program in Bali, Indonesia.
Watch the full video below: