The Subtle Art of Being an Online Bully
A satirical guide to cyberbullying and destroying someone from the comfort of your Wi-Fi.
Published on Oct 27, 2025
If you're a beginner in cyberbullying, start with the essentials: tell yourself you’re not that kind of person. You’re kind. You're honest. You’re righteous. You have bible verses in your bio. You just have opinions—and you're doing the world a favor by sharing them.
Lucky for you, destroying someone softly on the internet won't even require you to raise your voice. Because cruelty nowadays doesn't take much—it just needs Wi-Fi. That, and a misplaced sense of moral superiority.
How to Master the Art of Cyberbullying
If the idea of being a cyber bully is too tempting for you, below's a quick guide on how to master the craft.
Call It Constructive Criticism.
Cyberbullies don’t insult; they advise. You’re not being mean if you’re simply passionate about other people’s personal choices. Comment on someone’s weight, skin, or outfit—but do so politely and while sounding like an expert. Pretend you're a dermatologist with a free internet connection and say something like, "Too much Botox!" Convince yourself that you're not tearing anyone down—you’re just helping them become a better person.
Tip: "Constructive" feedback is best delivered to strangers, unsolicited, and preferably in public.
Confuse It with a Compliment.
Every effective cyberbully knows to begin with fake kindness. So remember to wrap your criticism in flattery because that makes you sound reasonable. Great examples are: “She’s pretty, but…” and “Love her confidence, but not the outfit.”
Compliments are like bubble wrap for insults; they try to cushion the blow but still get the job done. After all, the secret to being mean online is to sound nice while doing it.
Use Humor as Armor
Mocking someone becomes infinitely more palatable when disguised as wit. Turn someone’s bad day into a meme, a clever caption, or a “funny” tweet. Tie things together with a "haha" and make sure to add a laughing emoji. Everyone loves a comedian, right?
When the push comes to shove, sarcasm is your best defense. If someone calls you out, you can always claim it was "just a joke." And if they were hurt, they're the problem for not getting your humor. Laughter just makes everything lighter—even accountability.
Hide Behind Anonymity
Now this part's important: Go incognito. Nothing says courage like a faceless account with a cartoon avatar. Create a new handle, add random numbers, and unleash your opinions freely—after all, freedom of speech hits differently when nobody knows who you are.
Anonymity is a gift. It lets you say what you’d never dare to in daylight. Type faster, think less. Drop a nasty comment, delete it if things go south, then pretend you were never there. No accountability, no consequences, no need for empathy. And the best part? Honesty sounds so much more authentic when it’s hiding behind a username like @truthhurts_143.
Always Be on the Lookout for a Gotcha Moment.
Patience is key. Lurk quietly until someone slips—a poorly worded tweet, an old photo, a harmless caption that you can twist into offense. Screenshots are your best friend; crop strategically, add a magnifying emoji, and then call it out: “So we’re not gonna talk about this?”
The art of the gotcha lies in the buildup. Gather your evidence, rally the comments, and pretend it’s for the greater good. And when your post finally blows up—ah, there’s no better feeling. Nothing unites the internet quite like a public reckoning, and you’re the one leading the mob.
In Case It Wasn't Obvious...
In case it wasn’t obvious, this piece is satire. But here’s the part that isn’t a joke.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), more than 720,000 people die by suicide each year, making it the third leading cause of death among 15- to 29-year-olds globally. These aren’t just numbers. Many of these deaths are linked to mental health struggles—conditions that now affect over one billion people worldwide, including anxiety and depression. In a report by the WHO, mental health disorders have also become the second biggest cause of long-term disability across the globe.
In a way, we've all contributed to it—laughed at the meme, liked the callout, scrolled past the cruelty. Every click and comment contributes to a collective cruelty we like to pretend we’re not part of. Somewhere along the way, we began to confuse meanness with honesty and humiliation with accountability. It’s frightening how easy it has become to dehumanize people we've never even met in real life.
Cyberbullying comes in many forms. Sometimes it looks like humor. Sometimes it's disguised as concern. Sometimes it hides behind anonymity. Destroying someone online doesn't require much. A sentence. A screenshot. An emoji. It can also be in the form of silence—what you allow, what you amplify, and what you ignore.
But for the person who's getting the short end of the stick, they're all the same. Different routes, same destination.
In the digital age, kindness can be as simple as pausing before we post, thinking before we comment, and asking ourselves if someone’s pain is even worth turning into a punchline. Without compassion, social media becomes a dangerous sword to wield.
Often, the easiest thing to forget about the internet is also the most important: that there’s an actual human being on the other side of the screen.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, contact the National Center for Mental Health Crisis Hotline at 1553 (landline), 0966-351-4518 (Globe), or 0908-639-2672 (Smart).
Marj is the Editor-in-Chief of Preview. A former economics major, she dove headfirst into fashion publishing and hasn’t looked back since.