All the Lovers: The Fight for Marriage Equality in the Philippines

Olympic athlete Hergie Bacyadan and content creator Lady Denily Digo tied the knot in the Philippines. Naturally, it’s not what you think. Though Hergie is a trans man, his true gender isn’t recognized by the state, and thus, the two were not legally allowed to wed in the country. Instead, they wore their best white garb in a hotel room and promised forever through a laptop screen where an officiant from across the world certified their “I dos.” Their marriage certificate, issued by online marriage service Courtly, officially acknowledges them as husband and wife in countries that have legalized same-sex marriage. But a certificate is different from a wedding. The former formalizes the union, the latter is a celebration, a show of devotion in front of friends and family to take each other’s hand through sickness and in health. 

After making it official on paper, Hergie and Lady exchanged rings on top of Treasure Mountain, the only venue that, after much scouring, would agree to stage their holy union rite. “Kapag nalalaman nila na kami 'yung ikakasal, ni-re-reject kami,” shared Lady who recalled being turned down by multiple establishments before landing on this safe haven in Rizal. “They feel like it’s unethical for them to accept us.” With the Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Expression (SOGIE) Bill still being bounced around by legislators, there are no laws in place to protect the community from such blatant discrimination.  

Still, love perseveres and slips through the cracks or, for those who can afford it, flies out of the country. “I had to make sure this happened,” said Pat Lasaten, one-half of Ben&Ben’s married lovebirds who feature in the folk-pop band’s LGBTQ+ song Paninindigan Kita. She and Agnes Reoma tied the knot in Los Angeles with an intimate garden ceremony. “I would say na I have my reservations sa religion. Pero sure naman ako na merong Diyos. And naniniwala ako sa afterlife. Gusto ko lang i-make sure na even 'dun sa next life or at least when we reach heaven or kung saan man, na kami pa rin dalawa.” The pragmatist between the two, Agnes admittedly had her own hesitations about holding the festivities abroad. “I was asking Pat if she's willing to wait na maging legal siya here in the Philippines. Kasi parang practicality-wise nga, you're gonna spend a lot on this, tapos pagbalik mo dito, i-che-check mo lang palagi sa mga boxes ay single. Kasi hindi naman talaga nga siya ina-acknowledge dito.” 

After giving it a chance and hearing out her married queer friends in the process, Agnes came to the conclusion that a wedding is love celebrated and shared. “I think 'yung point is to celebrate it together and to celebrate it with our families. As Filipinos, sobrang laking bagay nung pamilya sa atin.” Only Pat’s parents could attend their nuptials. Although Agnes’s family expressed their desire to attend, they weren’t able to do so in the end. Absent parents equate to a scandalous affair in heterosexual weddings. Imagine the rumors and whispered gossip invading the dance floor; you’d never hear the end of it. But for queer people, this is yet another reality we simply have to settle with, and verbal approval from our folks cheering us on from miles away is a win enough in itself. 

Agnes and Pat consider themselves lucky. Not every couple who gets married abroad does so with an agreeable family. For makeup artist Jigs Mayuga, his San Francisco wedding to Ben Ty led to the breakdown of his relationship with his own parents. They don’t talk anymore, but in the queer community, family can take shape and be found everywhere else. Home is where you take it, and for Jigs and Ben, all the rest is noise as long as they have each other. With 38 of their loved ones decked in Filipiniana wear, the barong-clad pair made it official halfway across the world in the “gay capital” of the United States. 

After the rings were worn, they returned home to Manila to get their affairs in order, because in the Philippines, “Mr. and Mr.” isn’t an option on government documents. Though legally spouses in a foreign country, queer couples are considered single again once they step on local soil. Property, insurance, healthcare, all the things that are automatically shared by straight spouses remain out of reach for the likes of Jigs and Ben. “This condo, I bought this before we got married. So I keep thinking if anything happens to me and I'm not okay with my family, this condo goes to my family,” said Jigs. 

Ben, who helped pay off the mortgage and utilities, will be left with nothing should the unbearable happen to his husband. It’s this kind of sordid injustice that’s forced queer people to be professionals at skirting heartbreak, always having to be five steps ahead. Jigs and JB, for example, are contemplating selling their current home to buy a property that can be contracted under both their names, “so that if anything happens, we're both protected,” and even then, things aren’t guaranteed to be as clear-cut as they should be. 

Rocky Legaspi and Migo Alomajan are partners in life and in business. They’re the creative minds behind Rocketsets, a design studio that’s fashioned the backdrops of many Preview covers. With lives so profoundly intertwined, the difficulties they face lie in inherently straightforward tasks like buying a car together or opening a joint bank account. The Civil Code doesn’t prohibit individuals from sharing property together, but in a country where same-sex couples aren’t protected from prejudice, it’s not unheard of for institutions to force LGBTQ+ customers through hoops just to verify their relationship or to refuse them altogether. 

In their six years together, Arts Serrano and Agu Crisostomo have never felt pressured to get married, mostly because of the obvious. Of course, that doesn’t mean they haven’t contemplated the practical implications of marriage that won’t be afforded to them. “We hear a lot of problems like the partner not being recognized by the hospital kasi hindi siya family,” said Agu. “Sa queer people, of course, magiging problem natin siya down the line. And we would want to be able to completely live our lives like human beings.” But the reality remains, you could live your whole life with someone, grow with them through joy and old age, and still be legally turned away from their hospital bed. 

It’s a hard pill to swallow, and while others may say that love can only do so much, in circumstances like this, some beg to differ that love is what you need most. As prominent figures in the world of sports, Volleyball power couple Ella de Jesus and Jema Galanza had to wade through a sea of unsolicited comments at the onset of making their relationship public. The pair admits it was a tough ordeal for their relationship, but one that ultimately made them stronger. “At the end of the day, ang nagma-matter naman is 'yung commitment and love namin for each other. Na kahit walang kasal, magwo-work 'yung relationship namin.”

In a country where the line between church and state is repeatedly blurred, those in a seat of power have always been stringent about the definition of marriage: that it is between a man and a woman for the purpose of establishing a family. 

Legislators on the side of the queer community have turned to Civil Partnership to bypass this argument of terms. Bagong Henerasyon Party-list Rep. Bernadette Herrera-Dy authored House Bill 1015 or the Civil Partnership of Couples Bill filed in the 19th Congress. Defending the bill to the conservative majority, she explained, “This is not a marriage contract wherein there is a third party—either a judge or a religious official. In this civil partnership contract, the only parties are the two persons binding themselves to their contract, so there are no religious issues involved because this is a matter of civil law.” Through this bill, same-sex partners could be granted the same constitutional rights and protection already provided for heterosexual couples. 

It isn’t lost on anyone that there’s a long way to go, but if history has told us anything, there’s always room for hope, and the younger generation, fierce and fiery with passion and fight, are burning with it. Another couple struck by the TikTok Cupid, for Bethany Talbot and her girlfriend Hyna, marriage is only a matter of when and where. They’ve fully accepted it’s not going to be in the Philippines, but they’ve also got a never-say-never attitude. “Growing up and seeing how much the world has changed with how they've accepted LGBTQIA+ couples, parang it actually made me more excited for the future,” said Bethany. “We could get married somewhere else, but what if in the next 10 years we could actually get it legalized here? So, I think for me, the future for our community is actually exciting.”

For photography duo and Preview Pride cover mainstays Cenon and Mav, constant affirmation and communication was crucial at the time of Mav’s transition. “Pansexual naman ako,” would always be Cenon’s reminder whenever Mav asked him if he’d still be attracted to her once she transitioned. “Wala nang problema doon.” It’s this same patience and unwavering support that Mav loves about her partner. She shares, “'Yung parang mahirap intindihin, iintindihin niya talaga. Siya 'yung forgiving. Sobrang gentle [niya]. Sobrang easy lang for him na gawin 'yung mga 'yun. Na hindi niya kailangang mag-effort.”

Models Raejell Roxas and Catherine Bautista can relate. Batchmates at the Professional Models Association of the Philippines (PMAP), the pair started out as friends before their companionship grew into something more. With friendship as their foundation, talk and understanding go hand in hand when it comes to keeping their relationship alive. “It's constantly having the mindset na you're learning. You're learning about your partner. You're also learning about the relationship. So just because you feel na you're done with the getting-to-know-you stage, it doesn't stop there,” stressed Catherine. The patience they afford each other is the same one they have for marriage equality. “It won't be fair for us to expect that change will happen overnight. The Philippines is a well-known country for being religious and at the same time, we know our own culture. I think that's why kailangan ng patience, kailangan din ng communication.”

“I even took my husband’s last name. There, I am Mrs. Jervi Wrightson—female, wife, married. But in the Philippines, I am still Jervi Ryan—male, single. Why? Because what I did—marrying the love of my life—is considered illegal in my own country,” Jervi laments. “It’s not just painful. It’s unjust. I dream of a Philippines where love is never illegal.
Where no one is ever forced to choose between their country and their truth.
Where every couple, regardless of gender, is recognized, protected, and respected under the law. As we gather to celebrate Pride, let’s remember:
Pride isn’t just about being proud of who we are.
It’s about demanding a world where equality is real, and justice is shared.
Where love, in all its beautiful forms, is honored, not hidden. Because love is love.
And love deserves the law.”

Indeed, the law is insufficient. Hellbent on abiding by binaries, it can confuse even itself. Trans couple Kylie Celebre and Jan Pablo are in a unique position of privilege. Assigned male and female at birth respectively, the pair can technically get married under the Philippine constitution. They can’t tie the knot in a church clad in their gender-affirming clothes, but the option to wed is there.