Coleen Garcia Opens Up About Giving Birth at Home Any Day Now

To be completely honest, now on my 38th week, my body feels like it’s maxing out. My belly button feels like it’s ripping apart, my back often hurts because it’s hard to get into a comfortable position, and on days when I do too much, I tend to experience intense pelvic pain (specifically on my crotch) that I had never felt before because the baby has dropped low and is already engaged. So I definitely feel all the weight I’m carrying now, especially since my frame is kind of small.

I’m not complaining, though, because there’s never a day when I don’t feel like this is all worth it! It only really started getting difficult this final month, the last stretch. But mostly, it’s been an enjoyable time for me, and far better than what I expected.

PHOTO: BJ Pascual

Coleen Garcia for Preview.ph September 2020

My body has been going through so many changes, but I’ve grown to respect it so much that I look past the physical. I fully embrace it for serving a much deeper purpose, something far bigger than myself and anything I ever gave it credit for. I’m so grateful for, and amazed by, what my body is capable of and what God can do through me.

“My body has been going through so many changes, but I’ve grown to respect it so much that I look past the physical. I fully embrace it for serving a much deeper purpose.”

Pregnancy is something we all know a thing or two about, but actually experiencing it is a completely different thing. To have this life growing inside of me—growing for him, and growing with him—has been the most unique, life-changing experience. I’m gonna miss this chapter, but I’m also too excited for the next!

This quarantine period has been far from ideal. It’s not something anyone would wish for or want to go through, but we try to make the most of what we have. I always hoped we’d get to go to the beach for our babymoon, and the thought of a baby shower with friends was something that I always thought would be a given, but no one saw this coming.

There have been many limitations, restrictions, and obstacles, but at least it wasn’t impossible. We still got to celebrate these milestones, maybe not in the way we’d originally hoped, but we’re thankful that we even get to celebrate at all!

I sometimes still imagine what it would have been like to be pregnant during a more “normal” time, to be able to go out and see friends, work, travel, work out, actually dress in maternity clothes, and just carry on with the lifestyle I had. But I know and trust that everything happens for a reason, and I try to count the positives in every situation.

In spite of everything that’s been happening around us, I’m still so grateful that I got to enjoy this pregnancy. I want to look back on this pregnancy and remember all the happiness that each milestone brought us. I want to remember that, even in such a gloomy time, this was more than enough, and it was all we needed for us to be filled to the brim with joy and hope.

PHOTO: BJ Pascual

“There have been many limitations, restrictions, and obstacles, but at least it wasn’t impossible. We still got to celebrate these milestones, maybe not in the way we’d originally hoped, but we’re thankful that we even get to celebrate at all!”

My mindset has been shifting and changing, not just because of this personal change, but because this period has taught me to focus on what truly matters in my life. So much of what I used to value holds no weight to me now, and I’ve realized I was so clouded and distracted. I was drifting further away from my core.

I feel like I have grown so much in this season because I finally had the time and space to confront my issues head on, to stop running away from myself, and to move forward with a positive outlook. I’m glad I went through what I had to in order for me to be more equipped for what’s next.

One thing I realized is, less is more. This period has given Billy and I time, not just to clear the clutter in our heads and our home, but to actually carefully decide what had to go and what had to change. We are both moving forward as different, renewed individuals and a stronger unit. This time has allowed us to meet halfway, and it has brought us back to our center. We make better decisions and tackle things differently now. We’ve grown more patient, level-headed, and we’ve learned to work together better.

PHOTO: BJ Pascual

I would say the most challenging part in all of this is the risk. Pregnant women are more vulnerable during this time, and so are babies. Being pregnant in the time of a pandemic is not easy, so I do take all the necessary precautions to be safe. My extended family still gets to see each other, but we never leave the house because it’s better to be safe than sorry. We’ve missed out on a lot of things, and it’s not exactly great, but it’s what we need to do for now.

It’s also unusual that we never go to the hospital. The only time I would leave the house was for my ultrasounds, which were done in a small clinic. I’m not even giving birth in a hospital! We are actually all set for a home birth. My team is made up of a midwife (plus a nurse) and a doula, and we are going to try for a water birth right in our bedroom. Giving birth at home has its advantages: My family will be here if I need them, and so will Tamomo. Haha! 

Billy and I have watched classes (from pregnancy and labor, to newborn care), made all the necessary arrangements, established backup plans, and I’ve been doing so much research so that I can be well-informed and confident in my decisions. I’ve also been reading birth stories, watching videos, and seeking the advice and support of other mamas. I’ve been overloading on information right now while I can, so that on the day itself, I won’t need to be anxious.

So yes, I definitely did not see this coming, but I try not to let fear run my life. I’m cautious, but I’m not afraid. I’ve had to change my entire birth team and birth plan at the very last trimester, but I’m quite comfortable with the changes.

PHOTO: BJ Pascual

PHOTO: BJ Pascual

I already knew, and have always known, that Billy is going to be an amazing father. I never doubted that. He has also been a great husband through this whole pregnancy. There’s nothing quite new about that, but I do have a newfound appreciation for him. I also learned that although we can spend most of our time together, we both still need our own space.

As for myself, I learned that I adapt well when I need to. Change actually keeps things interesting for me. I also learned that I love being a homemaker! It gives me so much joy to have all the time and energy for this now, and it means a lot to be with someone who supports and encourages this side of me.

I’m actually so at peace! I know that birth is unpredictable, but I also know that God will be there. He has reassured me so many times, and He did not bring me all the way to this point just to leave me on my own. I’m also blessed with such a strong support system.

“I already knew, and have always known, that Billy is going to be an amazing father. He has also been a great husband through this whole pregnancy.”

I think we’ll be pretty reasonable parents. We’re both on the same boat when it comes to raising our children, so at least we can rely on each other and work as partners. I do believe we’ll take it day by day and learn as we go. We both have grown so much since we first started dating, but we’re still growing and still continuing to work on ourselves!

Children tend to look up to their parents and follow their example, so we want to be the best we can be for our son, but we don’t want him to see us as the standard. He will know, and we will remind him, that we are not perfect. I also don’t want to be excessive. I want to be exactly what he needs me to be. One thing is for sure, though. He will grow up in a very loving environment!

What intimidates me most is the responsibility! It might not be easy to learn how to take care of a baby for the first time, and it won’t stop there. We are also accountable for the person he will become. I know we will make mistakes along the way, and there’s no guaranteed formula for all of this, but it’s a challenge I’m more than happy to accept!

PHOTO: BJ Pascual

When our son is older, I will tell him that 2020 was the one year when so much, yet so little, happened. Haha! It has definitely been the most unpredictable year we have all had to face together. It’s the year that taught us that we are, in fact, not truly in control. None of us can actually predict what could happen to us, and tomorrow isn’t promised. It’s the year that taught us not to take even the smallest stuff for granted, and to be grateful for the things we often overlook.

Many of us were moving so fast, spreading out so far, doing so so much to find the happiness and fulfillment that has been within arm’s reach this whole time. We all had our routines, safety nets, plans and expectations, and when all that changed, we were so lost! But as we rose above it, it was also an opportunity for us to rediscover ourselves. It was a wakeup call in many ways, and it revealed to us the things that had to change—around us and inside us.

I’m gonna tell him that he was that ray of hope that kept us going, and he’s the reason why we never had a bad day in what many consider to be a bad year.

PHOTO: BJ Pascual

Photographed by BJ Pascual

Styled by Adrianne Concepcion

Wardrobe by AJ Javier

Makeup by Robbie Piñera

Hair by Renz Pangilinan

Set Design by Aren Dale Santos

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