I grew up seeing my dad drink his cup of coffee every single morning. My nanny, on the other hand, would drink one in the morning and another at around 5pm. I remember asking if I could take a sip and she would always say, “coffee is not for kids; it will stunt your growth.” My very first Starbucks purchase was a Vanilla Frappe a.k.a. milkshake, which my dad ordered for me because I still wasn’t allowed to that much caffeine. It was my default order all through high school until I’ve discovered in college that I can add syrups (hazelnut is my fave) and tweak drinks to my liking. And because I was “sheltered” from caffeine consumption half of my life, I never had those nights needing a coffee fix and simply gave in to sleep when it started calling me.
I made my first cup of coffee from scratch on my first job fresh from college. And when I asked my colleague to help me make one, they all laughed (and were shocked) because I didn’t know that a tablespoon full of coffee is apparently too much for one mug.
I’ve downed a few cups of “legit” coffee in my lifetime (only when it was necessary, like when I'm experiencing major jet lags and it's a no-no to doze off beside your boss) but I just never enjoyed it as much as the 99% of the world who won't seem to survive without coffee. It would work at first, get me to focus and all, but then it'll give me a headache an hour or so after. Let’s not even get started with the palpitations. I have nothing against coffee drinkers, I actually j’adore the aroma of coffee and the ambience of cafes. But please chill out when you learn that there are actually people who can live without it.
Below, a few things I’ve heard maybe a million times.
"You don’t drink coffee? Whyyy? It’s the best thing in the world!"
If it was the best thing in the world, how come I don’t like it? Also, I beg to disagree. Hot chocolate is the true bomb diggity.
"I really can’t believe you don’t drink coffee."
"How do you survive?"
Umm, not everyone needs caffeine to survive.
"How do you wake yourself up in the morning then?"
I open my eyes. That’s what normal people do.
"I need my coffeeee! I can’t think without it."
First of all, it makes you look like a crazy person. But okay, okay, we’ll get you your fix. Chill!
"Frappe is not coffee. It's just a flavored, ice-blended beverage topped with whipped cream."
Leave me alone. This is the closest I can get to drinking coffee.
When we do decide to drink coffee because we’re literally dozing off and coffee drinkers say "you just used three packets of sugar and three packets of cream” with a judgy face.
I can’t stand the taste of coffee, so the sweeter and creamier it is, the better.
Jeez, guys! Seriously, ya'll need to relax... But then again, that's probably the effect of coffee on you.